do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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