I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
