found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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