she peed on how many people?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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