im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
