I CAN MOONWALK!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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