I feel like abortions should bother me more
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude. I can hear the air.
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