well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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