I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
