Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
