I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
