Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course I have a pirate flag
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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