why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
