Sry I called you an 8
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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