I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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