Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
