Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
