my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
