haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
