She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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