Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
