You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
