And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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