When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
