It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
