I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
barbara walters just said penis...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
