Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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