eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
