I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We need to get me chipped asap
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
