Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
