her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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