At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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