260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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