So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
a search helicopter?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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