dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
