the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
