Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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