I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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