I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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