trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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