For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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