My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
