so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i now understand why vodka
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
