so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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