i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
