guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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