Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
