I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
