Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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