I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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