how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
