Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
