Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
