Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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