Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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