sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
