Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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