Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
