I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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