I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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