I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
