So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
