shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize