Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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