Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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