I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
