oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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