people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
