I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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