after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
