His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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