I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
