bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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