If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
