i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
