It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
