So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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