Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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