Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
