I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
